So What’s the Deal with All the Perfectionism Anyway?

Last time, I shared with you the concept of choosing B- work over perfectionism.

Now I ask, what is this obsession with perfectionism anyway? Is it our Western culture, our upbringing, or something a little sneakier and more sinister? I’m going to answer by saying it may be related to the first two ideas, but I think our longing to be perfect is something a bit sneakier.

Indeed, it’s true that we live in a perfection-based society in which overachieving, overworking, and being over-polished are celebrated, even with a level of competition, but that is not all. Perfectionism is often just a sneaky cover for a lack of confidence, fear, and other feelings that we are trying to hide.

Here is an example that I have seen. A client tells me about their goal and how excited they are. The client starts making lists, calendaring their plans, and even taking some actions towards their goal. Still, as they continue to research and move forward, their progress slows down because they start comparing their work to others and giving in to their self-doubt rather than noticing the growth they have accomplished.

You may see this “perfectionism” (which you now know is self-doubt) show up at work, at home, in parenting, and even in friendships. And yes, it can even show up when you're dating.

What if you decided to trust yourself instead? What if you decided that your opinion mattered most? You can actually learn this skill. How would you show up for yourself, commit to yourself, and let go of the unrealistic expectation that every little thing has to be perfect? What if everything is already absolutely fine in its imperfection?

When it comes to dating, especially post-divorce, it's easy to fall into the self-doubt of perfectionism. You might feel the need to present yourself as flawless, fearing that any imperfection might scare off potential partners. But the truth is genuine connections are built on authenticity rather than perfection. Embrace your quirks, your flaws, and your true self. Show up as your truest self, and let what is meant for you find you. Simply release anything that is not!