The secret to happiness: You don’t deserve to be happy- all the time

 Please allow me to be blunt for a moment.

 It's time for us to get critical about all of the toxic positivity floating around these days. 

Please stop thinking you deserve, oh sorry, WANT to be happy all the time. You don’t. That is the biggest piece of bull shit that society sells us. 

Don’t get me wrong—the sales pitch works. Maybe that is why you're reading this. Maybe you are looking for that little bit of magic to help you be a little bit happier. 

The truth is, your desire to be happy all or most of the time is actually making you even more miserable! So stop it. 

I got to hear someone discover this for the first time today, and as I listened to the cloud lift from his voice when he realized that he could just sit with sadness instead of TRYING to be happy, he was able to be peaceful about something he didn’t like. 

Listening to this brought me back to the first time I learned that life was made up of half positive feelings and half negative feelings AND that we were supposed to spend 50% of the time experiencing each of them. Listening to him grasp this concept was like watching layers of an onion being pulled away: the sting of the pungent emotional aroma that arose with every layer as he repeated, “Wait I am just supposed to let myself be sad.” 

Pause. “But wait, I’ve never allowed myself to feel that before. Not intentionally...” 

Today, as I write this, I am sad. I am processing sadness, feeling it deep in my body and soul. But I am here for it and with it. Many people would guide me to “do something” with my sadness: go for a walk, deny it. Think happy thoughts instead. It won’t be here forever. 

Today, this is where I am. Letting my true feelings be just as they are as I carry on with my day honors the reality of the situation for those I feel sad for. I’m okay with that. I don’t need toxic positivity to deny my truth. 

My friend, in Robert Frost's words, “The only way round is through.” As I go through, I let the sadness go through me.